Physical violence is seen and understood much more easily - there is physical contact, physical pain manifested, bruises, fractures, blood.

Psychological violence is not seen or understood neither by the victim nor by the perpetrator. Here the pain is psychic; it usually does not manifest itself with anything and is experienced by the victim silently either by crying or by bad mood.

Psychological violence is expressed in words, grimaces, degradation, even with silence.

Once we, after someone's behavior, begin to wonder "what I was doing wrong," or "what would have happened if I was acting differently in one way or another," that means we have received a violent verbal attack and then we must stop looking for mistakes in our behavior.

Also, if we have a new idea and we are afraid to express it to an individual because we simply do not know his/her reaction, and we catch ourselves trying to find a moment to express our thoughts when the other person is in good mood, that means that, either at home or at work, we have to deal with somebody who consciously or unconsciously exercises on us verbal and generally psychological violence, with somebody who has a very serious problem and probably does not understand it.

Verbally violent persons have in their mouth a word they love because it gives them too much power and control of the situation. This word is "NO". Before you finish your phrase, "NO" will come out of their lips and the issue is closed. In any attempt to continue your thoughts, you will hear ugliness, disadvantageous downgrades, and characterization of your inability to handle a situation as well as him/her, and then you will think if you will open your mouth again to talk with him.

Of course he/she will feel great, because he/she put things in their place, because without him/her everything would end to disaster. And since any attempt for discussion will lead to the same result, the relationship with that individual decreases and ends to emotional and physical alienation; in the end everybody is struggling to maintain his/her peace of mind and let the other person - the abuser - live in his/her own world with his/her 'big' ideas. 

The behavior of the verbally violent person can be manifested by:

• Intimidation,
• Attack,
• Sarcasm,
• Anger,
• Threats.

Authority over others is exercised by:

• Loud Voices
• Verbal “salad”, i.e.  leaving one topic to go to another, remembering situations of the past that confirm the infallible of his actions, without allowing any other opinion to be heard until the final fall of the opponent.
• Verbal knockout.
• Full power over the victim.
• Continuous devaluation of fellow humans
• Mistreatment.

If after such a conversation with him/her you feel trashy, incompetent and insecure, then you are the big victim of someone else's verbal violence and you need help.

What can one do to save his mental health from a verbally violent person? If he/she is a person in your family environment, things are far more difficult than at work. There you can concentrate on your immediate job duties, and avoid him/her. There are others who can testify about his violent behavior. Unless he/she is the boss, so he's alone.

The situation at home is more difficult, because the emotional connection and love leads you to feel as the victim of the case, but on the other hand you think that your relative, the perpetrator, suffers too, because nothing satisfies him/her and has the impression that no one respects his/her efforts and avoids him.

Things are very tragic when you hear him/her raise the tone of his/her voice, say things that you do not believe a dear close person can express to you, underestimate you to zeroing, while you, the victim, curse the moment you wanted to talk about something.

What we need to know is that with the verbally violent and degrading person we cannot use the same verbal counterattack. This person is always able to get out of hand and you will be burdened with the responsibility and blame for the issue you have resisted. Therefore, we avoid any conflict.

• Do not refute him/her. This does not mean a retreat but a reasonable measure to preserve your mental health.
• Do not confront him publicly. To a person with very low self-esteem, any attempt for humiliation will not be accepted at all by your all-powerful and omnipotent perpetrator.
• In all cases try to be cool and do not give answers to his/her chaotic and confusing questions.
• Do not fall into his/her level. You must always know that he/she also suffers and has insecurities.
• Show him/her love and understanding.

Usually the victims are those who seek help and unfortunately they are also helpless because the verbally violent will only change his/her attitude if he understands his situation, accepts it and decides to do so.